♥'Tuesday'♥
I have been getting calls and msgs for this person "LILI LIU" from REUTERS. I am sure they got the wrong number. People from DBS and others kept calling... asking for Lili Liu... i was like huh... Oh well i have told every single one of them that its the wrong number.
Some of my close friends have kept on asking me a few questions about my previous relationship and well here goes. (To my friends reading this... my answers are the truth and what i am going through now)
1) Have i moved on?
Well to tell you the truth... NO i have not actually. By far, my previous is the longest and the toughest to move on. Hearing to Jason Raize singing to a few songs from Lion King Musical made it worst. The person who has been motivating me and all is no longer around and he now (which i know) have moved on safely and well (Thank god). I know he is angry at me and all but that is life, all i wanted was not to hurt anyone else other then myself.
2) What is it between me and Ayie?
I do have feelings for Ayie but after much discussion, we have finally decided to just stay as friends and nothing more. Plus, even though Ayie is sweet and all, we wouldn't be a good matching couple.
3) Irwyn, who is he to me?
Irwyn... he is someone close to me. We talk often but he was never a substitute. We both know farely well about each other and we do have feeling for each other. The thing is... i dont deal with long distance relationship.
4) Why was i harsh on "HIM"?
Lets just put it this way... its not easy to have him to listen & understand. He likes to cling on and hope for the best (which can be a good thing and a bad thing). Once or twice i have gave hints - it did not work out. So the only way was to actually tell him straight to the face (not exactly... i typed out.. lolx...). So if many thinks that i was harsh - let it be.
5) What have i learned from the previous?
Seriously... A LOT. There are the good and bad things i've learned. Being that both of our worlds were different and understanding each other was hard, we still managed to make it blissful. I began to understand on why he acts this way and all but sometimes he doesn't because to me his eyes were just simply blinded to see why i act like so. We are brought up differently and later part of the relationship both of us had different thoughts on about the relationship - thats one point which someone spotted, neither of us did not think of the same thing to move on and forward together. There are more which i wish to list on but it would be too long.
6) Why do i do things behind his back?
To tell you the truth, Out of all the relationships i had - this was the sweetest but toughest to handle. I purposely act dumb and all was to hide my feelings (my true feelings). I only had a ONS (one night stand) with Ayie only. Yes there are other guys that i have chatted with and all but never had met them up or initiated to have IT with them. Yes guilt was there and all - the guilt grew when things start to show up and all. Sometimes i do things purposely with good reasons behind it but i wouldn't tell.
7) Do i have anyone in mind for a relationship?
Not at the moment but just plain crushes on this guy name Halim and Firdaus. Oh not to mention this girl... (GIRL!? lolx... oh well... thats another story) her name is Natasha. Currently i am not looking for any relationships as i don't wanna get tied down to something.
8) "I don't believe monogamy" is it true?
No its not true. I do believe in it. To the person who asked me this, you must have read my first post. Well it was written out of anger. I wasn't thinking. I do respect a monogamous relationship.
9) Dealing with being called names and all from him.
Call me names and all, i dont mind. It is my fault for his rage and all. I know he would tell people in his circle everything from start to end about us and the break-up.
10) On him with someone new.
I feel happy and glad that someone new is in his life. At least now he can love someone and not "fall-in-love" with someone like me who "chased" after him for more then 2 years, after being blocked and deleted on both friendster and msn. At least now he can lead through life stronger.
11) The things that i hate about the previous
Hmph... The things i hate was having to juggle so many things at one go and have him clinging on to me. I got a little freaked out and pissed at times when he comes over when i never asked (sorry i said that but thats what i felt). Sometimes i kind of hate having him feeling demoralised and all but oh well everyone has emotions.
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TO : Qayyum Mohd ( - If you are reading this )
Having you as someone in my life was blissful. You were there often by myside and i often neglected it and took advantage of you. I broke many promises. You had faith in the relationship and i did not at later part. I am sorry for what i have done to you, hurting you and causing a lot disruption in your life. Never have i thought i'd be the one initiating the break-up but it was for our own good. Everything may be unclear to you why i asked you and the stuffs i did but it was all to save yourself and me. I did get tad jealous each time you say guys want to get to know you and all but dont take that for me to initiate the break up. I am sorry. I know you are angry at me (you have all rights to be angry) but at least don't take what was written down on my first post on this blog serious, it was written out of rage and i was not thinking. Just to let you know, that I AM THANKFUL for you to have accepted me into your life and as your boyfriend (ex to be exact). Giving me a chance to take care of you and create smiles on your cute, sweet and angelic face. Memories of us are CHERISHED. Thank you again.
With Love,
Saifuddeen Amad Ali
